September 13th, 1999

The ‘Spot The Beast’ Competition

So here it is, Doomsday Watchers, the last Great Competition of the Century. Well, actually, the last Great Competition ever in the history of the World!

As the ‘End Of Times’ hurtles faster and faster toward us, it's about time for the Beast to make his appearance. Yes, you guessed it, somewhere amongst us is the ‘Beast whose number shall be 666,’ the Antichrist, the Evil One, the Fallen Angel, the Guy with the Horns, and we ain't talking about a Brass Section!

According to some, the Beast is poised to take over the world and rule for 7 years under the New World Order. The time of Tribulation is upon us and we need to prepare for the Battle to Come. As you can see, these are such Important Events that they need to be wriiten with Capital Letters!

But where is he? Like some Apocalyptic Waldo, he, or she, appears to have blended into the crowds of humanity and is unfortunately not wearing a red-and-white stripped sweater, hat, scarf, and large black spectacles. This makes him a not-so obvious target.

Now, he only has a short time to make his play. Time is running out for the Big Takeover, so pretty soon now we should be seeing him doing something significant. But the challenge is this: Can some eagle-eyed Carny reader spot the Beast before he gets his way?

Just think what this could do for your life: A Weekly News special entitled “I Spotted The Beast In Podunk Wal-Mart Shopping For Dried Figs”; a guest interview with Larry King; book advances with more zeroes than the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor; and enough film offers to have more sequels than Halloween!

So start looking, boys and girls. Remember, Marilyn Manson is too obvious and Bill Clinton is too easy. You need to look for little clues such as 666 tattoed on a body part, or a tendency to perform nifty miracles (Rev. 13:13) - sort of like David Copperfield.

And what about prizes? The Carny is offering the winner a cash prize of $1 million dollars, payable at the rate of $50,000 per year.

Please use the box below to write down who the Beast is and reasons why you know this to be true. Then press the SEND US... button. Thanks.

Special Notes

• The quote at the beginning of this article is from William Butler Yeats (1865-1939), The Second Coming.
• The graphic comes from a website written by a guy who believes the Beast is actually the Church of Rome. He also believes in a Jewish conspiracy, so that gives you a rough idea of the kind of loser we're dealing with. It is probably safe to say that the picture isn't a direct representation of who we are looking for - if it was, then it's a bit of a giveaway, and even dressed in Nikes and Tommy Hilfiger gear he would be rather easy to spot.
• David Copperfield was a contender for Antichrist, especially since he managed to get Claudia Schiffer to be his girlfriend. However, the fact that they split clearly indicates his powers are limited and the real Beast would have held on to Claudia, also adding Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell and Sophie Marceau to his collection.
• The Carny cannot guarantee to provide the prize money if there are unforeseen natural events such, as fire, flood, famine, plague, pestilence, property seizure by one, or all, of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, or Armageddon (not the video with Bruce Willis), which would cause the said amount to be lost.

ŠThe Carneadesian, 1999