As reported in a past edition of the Carny, dolphins are not necessarily the cute, sweet, smiley-faced friends that we've been lead to believe. Further evidence of this comes from a report in the Norwegian newspaper, Verdens Gang.
A man, who wants to remain anonymous for reasons that will become apparent, was swimming just off the coast of Farsund in Southern Norway when he was joined by a male dolphin.
The rampant mammal thrust its penis between the man's swim costume and leg. The swimmer said “At first I thought it was a fin...but dolphins don't have fins on their underbellies.” He suggests that the dolphin had mistaken him for a female dolphin. Oh yes? And how often would a guy mistake a female dolphin for a woman?
“The dolphin shoved me forward two or three meters before I got loose.” Lucky for him - and for us. If he hadn't broken free, maybe he'd have been much too ashamed to tell the story!
The man told his friend who, surprisingly, told him that the dolphin had “tried it on with me too, but I was wearing protection — a wetsuit.”
The moral of this tale? If you ARE going to have sex with a dolphin, don't forget to wear the rubber!
The UK condom company, Durex, publishes an annual report on sexual behavior. The company is owned by SSL International and surveyed 15 different countries, talking to 16 to 21-year-olds.
Top of the list were British youth who had an average 133 ‘encounters’ in a year. Second were the Americans with a close 128 per year. Singaporeans came last with a paltry 63 times - that almost classes as celibate.
As to fidelity, young Thais are the most unfaithful of lovers, but the Americans are a close second. Most faithful are young Mexicans.
The image of the French as the world's greatest lovers took a bit of a beating. 40 percent found their first sexual encounter disappointing. This may then account for their merely average performance as far as frequency goes - 99 times per year.
Americans did come first in two areas: American youth started having relations earlier than people in other countries and had the highest number of partners, an average of 7.5.
It is unclear whether the 7.5 were all at the same time, or what exactly was the 0.5? Still, it's always good to leave something up to the imagination!
When Salman Rushdie wrote ‘The Satanic Verses,’ little did he realize that he would be the subject of an Islamic Fatwah, putting a price on his head and exhorting all good Moslems to track him down and kill him. Seems that the Moslem prayer that includes the lines “Allah is Merciful” is easily forgotten. Clearly when Allah gets mad, mercy is the last thing on his mind.
Now it's time for left-wing singer/composer Marcel Khalife to feel the mercy of Allah. In Beirut, Lebanon, Khalife is on trial charged with insulting Islam by - wait for it - putting words from the Koran into a song! Saying the Koran is one thing, but singing it is clearly a no-no.
The song in question is entitled ‘My father, I am Joseph’ from the stunningly titled ‘Arab Coffeepot.’ The song draws a parallel between modern-day Palestinian oppression and the suffering of the biblical Joseph at the hands of his brothers. Sorry Marcel, you would have better off singing about sex and drugs and rock-and-roll.
Unlike Rushdie, Khalife is not facing death but a possible three year prison sentence. Plenty of time to work on a new album entitled ‘Allah is a lousy bum” or “Let's Kill An Imam!”
Sir
Yesterday's article on the Pope's visit to India was offensive. I am a Hindu and found your mockery of our Gods distasteful. I expect a retraction and an apology.
Ranjit Parahanthra, NY.
We are sorry that you felt offended. We are also sorry that your religious faith is so weak that you believe a few words in an article can cause irreparable damage. We're also sorry that the gods you worship appear to be so ineffective that they need you to defend them
Faith demands conviction in the face of adversity. Look on the Carny's stance as an opportunity to test the strength of your own faith. If what we say causes it to crumble, then maybe it wasn't all that strong in the first place!
Remember, if what we write doesn't occasionally hit a nerve, we're not doing a good job.