One tried and tested way to become rich is to work really hard for many years and to save and invest wisely. Another is to get hit on by a President. And no-one has done a better job of this than Paula Jones, who is now drawing more cash out of her Clinton Investment Fund.
U.S. District Judge Susan Webber Wright has ordered that president Clinton should pay Jones' lawyers $89,484.00 to compensate her for false testimony about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. In other words, he told a lie about having sex with Monica, therefore Paula Jones deserves some cash. Right.
The Dallas law firm representing Jones has submitted a claim for $437,825 and the Virginia-based Rutherford Institute, which assisted in the case, asked for $53,333. This money is to be divided among the lawyers and Jones.
Doing the math reveals the total claim as being around $600,000, of which Jones will get a cut. Not bad for not having sex with the President. A regular working girl would have to go through a hell of a lot of 'partners' to raise that sort of money!
Oh, and least we forget, Clinton has already paid out $850,000 as an out-of-court settlement to settle her previous sexual harassment suit. So, the Prez has now spent $1.4 million for NOT having sex. Stunning!
It makes you wonder why he didn't just go out with a few friends and pay $10 for a lap dance?. Or whatever the going rate is.
For years now, animal-lovers and eco-warriors have been telling us how wonderful the dolphin is. It is apparently very intelligent, family-orientated, and a model of gentle altruism. We were also told how cruel and heartless fishermen are who use large drift nets that trap dolphins along with tuna.
But now is your opportunity to wipe that stupid smirk of the smug dolphin's pointy little beak! New research reveals that 'Flipper' and his friends can be willing participants in kidnapping, rape and gang violence.
Richard Connor, a New England scientist, has spent over 10 years studying the behavior of dolphin gangs and has some shocking revelations.
It seems that male bottlenose dolphins get together in gangs and will steal females from rival groups. Adding to the barbarism, they will then hit and push the females and force them to mate. This is not the sort of behavior that people expect of animals other than humans.
Connors found that supergroups of up to 14 can form and gang membership can last for years. He said that “these guys have a talent for politicking and alliance building that would shame the Mafia. ”
So next time you shop for a can of tuna, show your support for the Feminist Dolphin Movement by ignoring those can with the 'Dolphin Friendly' labels. Dolphins - the Phantom Menace.
You sit down at a table and eat 6 whole fish, 2 whole chickens, a leg of pork and two plates of vegetables. What are you? Well, not a supermodel, that's for sure.
However, it seems that Sumo wrestlers have started more western elements to their diet, such as pizza and barbecued beef, which in turn is actually making them too fat.
A Sumo Association in Japan has found that wrestlers whose body fat is above 38% run a greater risk of illness and injury than their slimmer colleagues. By slimmer, this usually means somewhere under 350lbs.
The report claims that top 49 wrestlers have 38.4% body fat, therefore running the risk of problems. So does the extra 0.4% really make a difference? Maybe not, but who's going to argue with a near-naked 350lb man whose sole purpose in life is the throw other 350lb men out of a circle drawn on the ground.
Sir
Judging by the number of letters that you publish, that is, one per issue, it would suggest that you have a very small readership. Is this truly the case?
Concerned, AZ.
The Carny has never followed the 'I-sell-more-than-you' philosophy. Truth and Integrity are far greater prizes.
So what if our circulation figures are a little behind those of the Washington Post or LA Times. We like to think that rather than selling-out to the unwashed masses the Carny has a small, but select, well-informed reader base.
The Carny pledges that it will never submit to petty commercialism and sell advertising space simply to make a fast buck. However, slow bucks may be a different matter.
Lauren Hart: All I Remember from the album Painted Bride.
If you like the sound of Joan Osborne then you should give this one a try. She recorded an album for Columbia records in 1995, but it was never released. So she has switched labels and has now released Painted Bride.
This track has a bluesy feel to it. Her vocals don't quite have the harsher edge of Joan Osborne, however that isn't an issue. She sings confidently and the production is excellent. I don't think the record would burn up the charts, but since when has chart success necessarily been a measure of good music.
She uses a standard guitar/bass/drums band that has a solid sound. She describes her music as “soul-searching, but there is a sort of levity and humor to it. I just wanted it to come out in a positive way."
For the moment, you can download this MP3 from 818 Music. Go to it.
Written by Lauren Hart, 1999.